I was really hoping to have some sort of topic to write about, as I feel I've left my diary to fend for itself, knowing full well it can't survive alone any better than I. Diary (we'll call him Adonis) and I need each other! Even if I'm the only one putting any effort into our relationship. I always come to him, I always do the slave work. But who gets the credit? Adonis does! But hey...I'm not...bitter... *lip trembles*. Hey, don't push me Adonis...I'm warning you! You're drunk again, aren't you? I knew coming back was a mistake!

What a lovely long weekend we had. Saturday was a good time, but all the other days I just stayed in the house and vegetated. It was pretty sad. Everyone was gone, not that it matters...there is never anything to do here really that I'm into, anyway. I'm not a drinker or a druggie (or a smoker) so that cuts out half the activities here. If I could dance any better than a cat with tape on its feet, I'd probably enjoy that, but as for now I'm pretty hopeless.

To given an example of how bad I dance, let's go back in a time a bit...no, not that far...there we go. A friend's sister was having a birthday and a few of us were going to a restaurant type placed called Mr. C's. There was a excellent blues band playing that night, and while I'm not normally a blues guy, it's a great live style of music. Out of all my friends, I was the only male our age (20). The two other males were around, say, 30 - 35 I'm guessing and weren't up for dancing. I guess the male part isn't a worthwhile point, to be honest. Just trying to be somewhat detailed (I'm really a bad storyteller, so in the end it won't matter). Anyhoo, I was sitting down, munching on some odd cheese stick thingy, talking to one of the men. He apparently saw the depth of my eyes that I pined to dance because he kept poking me and insisting I go up there. Indeed he was right, I had been and I was watching very intently as my friends danced with huge smiles on their faces. "I want to smile like that!" I said to myself.

Being I am a shy person, for whatever reason, it wasn't a simple matter of getting up and going. I sat there, nodding my head to the beat like no ones business, but I was sure I couldn't "shake my groove thing" when I stood up. "Na, I don't like to dance" I claimed but he kept prodding me to go.

The main reason I wanted to dance was I was there with my ex girlfriend and first love, Carla. A faster song would have been fine but I'd have enjoyed a slow dance, which I could have actually done. Yet, I was too nervous (many reasons why) to ask.

After the friends had sat down a while they had decided to go for another go at dancing, but Carla said she didn't want to go "knowing I was just sitting there watching". Not wanting to ruin her fun, I swallowed my pride and boldy (and unexpectedly, judging from the look on her face...I must need to loosen up) exclaimed "I'm going to dance!"

There I had been, nodding my head in time with the music, thinking "even I could dance to this", when my chance to prove it came. Striding out with great confidence, I was about to bust a move or get funky....I was about to do something(!), when they CHANGED the song up on me. Dazed and perplexed, I wasn't sure what to do, so I looked around and did what everyone else was doing.

Now, I personally thought I was doing good, despite not being able to completely get into it and lift my hands in the air (as if I didn't care) like the others. They rested safely below my upper torso and never ventured out of their area.

It all went well at first...dancing with 3 girls and a goddess, I looked like some kind of crazy dancing pimp, without the hat. But then things started to go awry. My moves became jagged and ghastly; unease obvious to the onlooking denziens of hell who made me go up there in the first place. I was surprised by a tap on the shoulder; Carla's mother, who had also come with us.

"Just flow with the music" she said, slight smile on her face as my eyes became giant moon sized orbs. I knew I was looking bad then, and I knew it was ALL down hill from there. Suddenly it seemed my friendly group turned cold on me and rather than being in the middle of the circle as I had been, I was staring at an unbreakable wall of their backs. Somewhat shocked and not knowing the move to spin myself back into the center, I stood motionless and stared blankly (for a good 20 seconds, which stretched onward into eternity). Realizing there was no other option, I did what anyone in that situation would do. I acted like I meant for it to happen and walked confidently yet quickly to the nearest table and collapsed into the seat as low as I could...basically until my eyes were just peeping over. I should mention this wasn't at all my table and I was a good distance from sitting with my friends again.

Thankfully for me, most of the people there were too drunk to remember my "dancing" episode. This has to be the one time I'd say "I'm glad you guys were drinking". One of my best friends parents were there, unbeknownst to me, who I ran into later...luckily they, too, had been a bit tipsy. My guess is most people tried to get plastered to forget the terrible horrors they had witnessed that night. Thus ends my great adventure into the wonderful world of dance!

This Capoeira I am into will help me with my dancing. It's where breakdancing evolved from after all, so that's something. But you know, if there is anything I could have done to look stupider that night (how is that possible, I know), breakdancing would have been it =)

(It's amazing how far off track I get when I write. Originally I had planned to write about these girls in Subway who, oddly, call me "chicken man", but that is a tale for another day I suppose.)

devolve | evolve