I like to go searching for new places to read writings. Nothing thrills me more than finding someone with some cutting wit that I can go to for a laugh or inspiration. But what is the deal lately with writers missing someone? I went browsing yesterday and all I saw were people missing others. It's rather depressing and since I'm making efforts to stray from depression to be all around generally more cheerful, I had to forgo reading what a lot of them had to say, for the time being at least. Hopefully it's obvious I have nothing against the writing, I just have something against depression. I hate to read something and get sad for someone else as if I needed to throw sorrow around like wedding rice. I hate to be able to relate. I miss people too, you know. I miss people I've never even met; I miss people who I still see but who aren't here anymore. I miss people who I'd miss if they were still the same people I've always missed. I miss a lot.
But I tell you what I don't miss depression and my old attitude about everything. Sure, if I thought about what used to make me depressed I'd be depressed again. Maybe. Yet somehow, I overcome. For two weeks or so, all my fears and problems that had been building came crashing down on me. A heavy weight, believe me. So for those two hellish weeks, I walked around with my head in the sand saying "woe is me". But that first day of that 3rd week, I was in the shower and some realization hit me like a slow-moving toy train...but then it hit me again with the force of a real-sized freight train. And then it hit me again, just for the hell of it. It probably should have run me over several more times as I couldn't tell you for any amount of money (though I'd fake it) what the actual realization was. Whatever it was though, I felt better instantly. I smiled for no apparent reason, which was an odd sensation to my face after the terrible two weeks I had gone through. I often have such enlightment in the shower. Perhaps this is a sign to show me that I should bathe more than once per month.
Whatever alien power gave me the ability to look at my problems another way or ignore them all together, I have to be thankful for. I wonder now if I actually headed to the source of what was bothering me during that time, would I be so steadfast? But I'm not in any hurry to test it. I'm moving slow, but I'm moving. For that reason I have purposely distanced myself from everything that relates. I feel somewhat bad about it at times, as areas that don't at all directly effect me I'm avoiding as well, but only because I know there is a link. But hey, this is something I have to do and if it makes me feel so much better as it has, I have to go with it for now.
You may say "you know, it's bad to avoid your problems" but I say "bugger to that!" Anyway, I feel good. Just an update =)
"It's just that I can't breathe without you"
devolve
| evolve
|