A few days ago, I went gently into that good...state of total panic. I had been sitting there, mindlessly minding my own business, with a helping of other people's business from eavesdropping, when I recalled that it was March. March! My mother's birthday is in March...sometime. "Crap," I said aloud but only with a few different letters, the first of which was a capital F. Oh yeah, and there was an exclamation point on the end of the statement. Make that three. I began to sweat and worry, as I had no idea of the date. It was a long day until I finally made it home to check my calendar. The thought of asking someone what day it was didn't cross my mind; that'd have shown I had forgotten her birthday and the jig would be up.

It was only the 18th...whew. "Her birthday isn't until the 20th," I said to myself. Relieved that I had such a long time to worry about her presents, I put the thought out of my head.

Today, March 20th. A message from a friend of mine said "Don't forget your mom's birthday, remember." How could I forget? Only, I had. Eek. I examined my hands... no present. I examined my wallet... no money. I examined the day... no hope. I had done it this time. She'd have my head on a spike on her lawn for all to see. Well, not really... my mom is the kind of mother who is happy if you just say "Happy Birthday!" (but I like to get her something of course). But more importantly, we don't have a spike. So to at least delay this terrible disaster, I called her like I had everything under control. I'd start her off easy, with a birthday wish, then I'd go get the present and none would be the wiser, especially not me.

"Hi mom! Haaaaaaaaaaappy birthday!"

"Er..." she said, "it's not my birthday."

Boy was my face red, but luckily she couldn't see that over the phone (not even with those eyes in the back of her head) so my cover wasn't totally blow.

I realized with horror that her birthday was on the 23rd... not 20th. I thought it was the 20th because when I younger, I'd always get the two dates mixed up. I had done it so much I couldn't remember any longer which I had incorrectly mixed up with the correct date. Today is the first day of spring so I could have worked something in my excuse about how I thought it was her birthday because only such a beautiful flower could be born on that day, but then she'd know something was up. So I did what any good son would do. I "faked" stupidity.

"What? Hold on, what day is this?" (at this point I still didn't know where I had gone amiss so I was trying my best to get her to say what day her birthday was in case I'd mixed things up more than I thought).

"It's the 20th..." (here she laughs insanely at my shock that it isn't her birthday...at least she got a good laugh out of it all).

"Oooh! I thought it was your birthday..." (still pushing)

"No..it's on Friday..I think. What day is Friday?" (uh-oh...if Friday isn't the right day I'll be in trouble)

"No idea, I don't have a calendar handy... why don't you look...wouldn't want to get the day wrong again hehe." (I was at work and she knows I work on a computer...my recent discovery that she had just noticed the clock on her computer screen but a day ago was my life-preserver; I clung hard to it in the hope that she hadn't dug any further and discovered her computer also had a calendar)

"Right...yeah it's on Friday." (Look...ah yes, Friday the 23rd)

"Oh! Ha ha, I could have sworn it was the 23rd already... oh well, sorry about that. I better let you go!" (click)

We hung up, her still laughing in the background. It was a nice thought she had said, and also threw in a line to help me save a bit of face. "I thought you said happy EARLY birthday anyway." Because I did...right.

I guess enough scare has been put into me to go and find her a present today. Though she just yesterday broke a gift (for the second and final time; she really had it in for the thing) I gave her for Christmas, so I don't see why I bother. We just can't have nice things (etc etc). Pile on the fact that while she is usually very easy to buy for, I'm on vacation now and my brain doesn't seem to want to pull his weight (like always). So I've yet to think of anything at all to get her. I'll figure it out though. I'll hit the mall and grab whatever strikes me, then I'll head home and make her a card because, as he and I unfunnily learned, no one actually makes good cards...especially Hallmark. Yes, I'll spend more time on the card then my V-day ones! I stand by the "it was the thought that counts" argument for that one.

Coming soon! More thrilling adventures at the local Subway!

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