...beneath these tragic waves
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deer in the headlights
Aug 07, 2001

I woke up this morning before work (good thing, eh) to pick up my step-dad at the car place, as he was going to drop off his big, ugly, hill-billy "the south will rise again" truck. Good riddance I say, but of course it's not going to stay there forever. I got a call from him telling me to go ahead and leave to pick him up, which I thought odd because he was still at home. His truck can travel through time, I suppose.

On the way, I saw two women crossing the street somewhat down the road ahead. One was a very large woman, in the "HEY, KOOL-AID!" sort of way. The other one was very much not, in the "I haven't eaten in 15 days" sort of way. On this 4-lane road (or 5-lane...I was never sure if you were supposed to count the turn lane. No one else ever does. I'm just a thoughtful kinda guy), I was in the "fast lane". By those quotes I mean that it never goes fast. But I was alone on this stretch for a moment, and going on my merry way, and happy no one else was in it deciding to go 25MPH. Kool-aid and sickly woman were in the slow lane waiting for cars to pass. Or so I assumed.

I got within about 75 feet or closer to them, and they decided to roll out into my lane, looking straight ahead like I was of little concern. Indeed I might not have been and simply folded around Kool-aid, but when it comes to my car, I'm not a big fan of folding. Especially when it's around large quantities of a single person. I likely couldn't have hit the sickly woman if I tried. Besides, I figure the wind from my car would have lifted her feather-light body off the ground and out of harms way before I could reach her.

As you likely can imagine, I threw on the brakes hard. It made the sound we all expect to be followed by the sounds of breaking glass and bending steel. I can't say it wouldn't have sounded differently had I hit this person, except you'd have heard her cussing me out as she unwedged me from around her like a giant, plastic belt. I could tell by the look on her face that's what would have gone down. Perma-scowl.

I had stopped within a good 5 paces of them and after I quickly recovered, I made my well-known "what the hell are you thinking?" face, only I made it look more vulgur. After that, them unphased, I waved for them to go ahead and walk across. And what did they do? They made the equivalent of my face, went back into the lane they had been in before all this mess, and waved ME on. Dumbfounded, I passed them after a moment, feeling the back of my skull being pierced by hateful looks. 10 feet or so down the road I hit the stop light and had to sit. They happened to be going the direction I was so their whole journey they kept looking back at me, mouthing words, and giving me some scary looks. Given had I been in their situation, I'd have done the same.

But, for once, clearly (in my opinion) this wasn't at all my fault. Sure, pedestrians have the right of way (which I notice they push to the limit these days), but Kool-aid could have tried to explain that to the police while she was wallowing in a pile of her own cherry-flavored innards.

If I had to hit her, the only thing that would have made it less then horrifying is if she didn't see me coming, and right before I hit her I yelled out the window "HEY, KOOL-AID!". She'd have said "OH YEAH" on instinct, looked up, then WHAM. It'd have almost been worthwhile.

"And I don't want to feel this overwhelming hostility"

devolve | evolve

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