My desire to try something a little different has come from the feeling that, over the last three months or so, my writing skill has decayed and I just don't find much to talk about of late. I'd made it a point to stay away from Subway and Wintergreen Girl stories because, really, how many can you take? I thought I could perhaps write about people of her "type" in general, like one of my friends new boyfriend who, while alright in most aspects, has a head shaped exactly like a pie piece from Trivial Pursuit. If I can talk about such things, is still in the air. But I also figured hey, just stick with what I know, it's funny sometimes. So perhaps I will.

Due to this, I was thinking I should become the Official Diary of Subway. As I was telling Maura, I'd sell out in a second if I could get free subway, though to sell out I think that a) you can't be a diary (and probably need to be a rock star) and 2) people have to know who you are. So there goes that idea. "Besides", she said, "there is already a cold cut diary". The only one I know of is a bologna page I saw a while back but don't recall much of. Except, you know, bologna. But if it comes to a showdown between Subway and bologna, I'm the sheriff and the other person is the guy who forgets to undo the little buckle on the gun holster. I mean, when we talk Subway here, we're talking classy cold cuts, not barbaric bologna. I'm talking (compared, at least) the kind of cold cuts that live in three story mansions with servants named Jeeves and bodyguards named Bruno. On the opposite end of the scale, the bologna lives in a run down shack where every member of the family washes in the same tub of brown, stale water and they still get rid of human waste by throwing it out of the window into a gutter in the back which runs through the center of town.

All this talk is for naught, I'm afraid, as they'll no doubt stick with that weirdo Jared. After all, I didn't have to lose 300lbs by eating costly sandwiches to look almost the size of a healthy person. It's a funny thing, not sitting around 24/7 eating whole pigs with bags of chips. The sad part of it is, people who do that will live 40 years longer then I.

On a similar subject, I dropped by said food establishment today to grab a "dinner sandwich" for my long stay at work today, and was treated to a variety of oddities. Firstly, the woman in front of me had the largest head I've ever seen. It wasn't so much large as it was round and fluffy, but it caused it to be more earth-shaped then, say, head-shaped. And I've joked about it before, but I think she really WAS having to make an effort to keep her noggin totally aloft and not barreling down to shatter the sneeze guard below. When I realized it may be a sickness (which you'd think would happen a lot, but no) I felt a bit bad, but judging from the rest of her body, I'd say she just can't control her eating. Though the fact she was eating at Subway: super-diet, made me doubt the truth of the thought.

Next, there sat a large space between the last woman and I. She, at the end of the line, myself at the beginning. No one else in between us. I heard the "dinga ding ding" of the entry bell and barely had time to turn my head as two older (than myself - 45 or so) people jumped in between us and broke our line up a bit. I assumed they were just looking at the toppings. Little did I know their plot to thwart me. As the worker came and asked me what I wished to eat, they made a "I KNOW YOU DIDN'T" type sound and wore a look that said they were next. When the worker paid them no mind, they looked very unpleased indeed. Which was the opposite of how I looked - very pleased indeed.

Lastly was a "couple" to this day (hour, rather) I can't figure out if they were with each other or not. Whatever the case, they were both undeniably not sane. They were sitting in two different booths, each facing outside. The woman in the "pair" had been talking out loud and, to my dismay, she didn't have a phone. Now, I talk to myself but I don't talk so loudly that a whole building can hear what I'm saying perfectly. So I thought that was a bit fruity in itself. Then, after a while, it seemed she was talking to the guy behind her, who would say things like "yeah" and "I know" at certain times, though at points which didn't require either comment in the least. When she got up to drop off her tray, he signaled to her that he was going to use the restroom, which he did. For a long, long time. When he returned, they both walked out the door at the same time, but left in opposite directions. When I myself ended up outside, I could hear each one, far away in different directions, talking loudly to no one in particular. All in all a very odd couple, if couple they were.

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