...beneath these tragic waves
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Nov 26, 2001

To start it all off, my head seems to be shrinking. I noticed in class the other day that my headphones no longer fit as they once did. Times before, it used to be that each side of the headphones had to be extended to half their max length to fit my head nicely...yet now, they must both be pushed all the way in to even try and stay on my head. If I nod or turn too quickly they fly off, so they don't exactly do what I'd call "fit". My hair is the same as it ever was (crappy), so I don't think it's the cause. So, my head is shrinking. Probably trying to better fit my tiny brain, I suppose. It will be the size of a Dum-dum (fittingly) by the time it's over, if that is the case.

Hoping (and yet kind of not) that this point hasn't been brought up by the other poor soul who knows the horror - a friend of mine is dating an odd fellow. Not only is he much too old and very bad for her (the lesser points of the matter, I fear) but he has a pierced testicle. Yes guys, pierced. I'll wait for you to regain your composure...alright.

This is one of the first traits the guy made known to my friend, for whatever reason, yet somehow that didn't drive her away, screaming into the night. I believe because she can't fully understand the insanity of the issue. While that makes even the strongest of men fold over like they have received a swift (but solid) kick to the groin, there is a darker, more twisted chapter of this sordid tale.

Testicle wants to get it done again. "Freak," I say to myself, but I imagine he wants to be able to walk without feeling he has a little extra weight on his right (or left, I have no idea) side. I figure it's kind of like the compulsive habit I have where I must walk on each foot an equal number of times, only stupid. But indeed, no. He wants to get the same one done again because, and sadly I quote,

"IT DIDN'T TAKE"

Now, I'm no testicle piercer, nor do I plan to be one, but I think I could get a hole through one of those if I really had the mind to do so...which I don't, and never shall. So I'm thinking someone who does such a thing often, too, can get the job done, so to speak, and likely wouldn't use a rusty nail as I'd be inclined. I can't think of how it possibly "didn't take", but there you have it. He's claimed before that he has a pierce ..you know.. so obviously it did take, in some fashion. So what's the deal? My only guess would that the guy only got the edge. You know how as a kid you'd take push pins and stick them through the edge of your skin to pretend you had a needle through you finger and look really tough? Well I think that's how this must be. But if you are paying money (can you imagine?) to get someone to puncture you in such a manner, if you see it only go through the skin, I think you'd say "do it again" or "a little to the right". Something. Well, I wouldn't but someone insane enough to go in the first place surely would. Or come to their senses and run away, never to return. At any rate, if you don't have to wake up from passing out, than your testicle doesn't have a hole in it.

In a similar light, I can't say my friends have the best taste in men, though it's obviously because our tastes differ (me being a heterosexual male and all). Never the less, I still think they could do much better with younger, less corrupting guys. But mainly with guys with better names. Every guy I've ever known them to date has a bad name, or nickname. The guy with the hole where there ought not be is John Manlove. Obviously no good. That's about as normal as they come, however, as my friends always end up with guys who take the nickname of an element or a retarded verb. Or a Victorian Era poet, but we won't get into that one because, well, he's my favorite poet, even if his name is a dumb, modern-day, first name. One recently dated a guy named "Sterling", which I must say compliments Manlove in several aspects. Sterling had a head shaped like a pie piece from Trivial Pursuit, which I wish I could talk about more, because it was damn funny, but that's about all there is to it. Oh, and he also shaved his chest, and probably his legs, so I bet he could swim like a (pardon) mother fucker.

The others I know of are "Trip", "Slam", and "Platinum" who, by the names (that THEY wish to be called), you can tell are just not the most vicious wrestling verb in the dictionary...or something. So says me, [He]2s22p4...but you can call me Oxygen.

Oh yes, one of their friends has a cousin who, by the way they acted towards each other, got their incest on. His name was "Davey Jones" and since I like pirates, I must say that's the only decent name out of any of them. Too bad he slept with his cousin.

Wintergreen Girl was showing off her "web site" in my "web design" class. She had her picture on there, front page of course, in the usual wanna-be goth style outfit, which was only thrown off by the pink scrunche (scrunge? scrunchie?). Oh, also on there was a picture of her so-called "teacher", which I couldn't quite figure out. My guess was witchcraft (by the Wiccan images she had on the same page) or some such, something else I'm sure she does half-ass, especially since her teacher doesn't look like she could even spell "Pagan" and the fact that she's never mentioned it before, as she never shuts up, so I'd have heard her mention it by now.

I've heard from individuals that I look like various people. When I had long hair, it was Kurt Cobain (who EVERYONE with blond, long hair parted in that manner looked "like that guy who shot himself") and apparently Beck (when he had long hair), which became my name to a certain group of people when I was just starting my freshman year, back in the good ole High school days. From a new scrumptious friend of mine, I was told (the first time this person ever spoke to me, despite sitting next to me in class) that I looked like Dave Pirner (the guy in Soul Asylum). I didn't know if it was a compliment or insult, as no woman had ever given me a comparison comment, so I pretended I was both, though I always liked the guys hair so I was more complimented. There were a few more, but I only recall one.

Of late it has been that I look like Brendan Fraser, which I don't see, unless it's the hair maybe, but I'm not about to complain as I know women find him delicious. That's from about four or more people who have said that (plus one person said I was "much cuter", which made my damn day), some I've known, and some were my doctors large nurses who couldn't recall his name but that I looked "like this guy on TV who played in "Airheads"..whew honey he's a hotty. I love my husband but if that man asked me to marry him, I'd leave him in the dust", which also made me feel kind of good, though bad for her husband. Yet I have to wonder, if I look so much like this guy, and women pine for him, you'd think at least ONE person would come hit on me or at least GLANCE in my direction, but no. So something isn't right. Maybe I intimidate them.

Ha.

devolve | evolve

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