...beneath these tragic waves
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on the corner
Jan 06, 2002

I've decided I want to forsake my career in graphic design for a more satisfying path in life. Not merely for the fact that the work I do is boring and I've no desire to make business cards and packages all my life, but because I think my future would be better served as a Wal-mart employee. Sure the pay is weak, the hours insane, but I've discovered, by complete luck, the secret to not only tolerating that job, but to a fulfilling life.

I was with a friend the other day at a local Wal-mart, purchasing this and that item, when I discovered it...the Wal-mart vest. It's the vest that they wear, which is the very reason for existing. At the checkout, I took the time to examine the overly (so I thought at the time) friendly cashier. He was wearing the common blue Wal-mart vest which, while I've seen a thousand times, never took note of until now. There is a little text bit on it that says "How may I help you?" and usually a name tag or a smiley face button that is whistling or something equally silly. But the makers of this fine vest, in their infinite wisdom, made the collar cut in such a fine manner that it blocks out some of the text to reveal a better, and more deep, meaning behind what seems at first to be simple words. Glancing at the few letters I could now see I caught the phrase "Ho may I yo" which is, needless to say, the best thing you could ever possibly see on a vest. I now know why the cashier was so happy. I'd be happy with a vest like that, and I hate vests like no ones business.

In hindsight, I suppose it would have made more sense as "Yo, may I ho?" which is pretty good, but than the original "slogan" would have to be "you may I help how", and no one speaks like that except, ahem, Yoda. I mean, I assume. So that is out.

I decided, as is my custom, to point this out to my aforementioned friend. I could have waited I suppose, but he wouldn't have believed me had he not seen it. Why would he? I should have bought a camera at the photography section so I'd have hard evidence. At any rate, he too found it not unfunny and promptly laughed right in this very nice mans face, which of course made it all the more funny for myself. Of course, a simple laugh in the face isn't going to bring down a man with such a witty vest.

devolve | evolve

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